way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop
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except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning, my mother would make me a big old bowl of SAUERKRAUT for breakfast
aww, BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT every single morning it was driving me crazy
i said to my mom i said “hey mom whats up with all the sauerkraut“
and my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
and she leaned right next to me
and she said
“IT’S GOOD FOR YOU!!!“
and then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
thats when i swore that some day, some day i would get out of that basement and travel to a magical far away place
where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
and the towels are oh so fluffy!
where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!!11