Someone asked me what my type was... My answer? Vi from arcane and Ellie from the last of us 2... She immediately called me a lesbian... Saying I have lesbian tastes in women... This leads me to my essay question... Why do men have bad taste? In this essay...
ARRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHH I PREORDERED A BOOK ON SUNDAY THAT WAS RELEASED TODAY AND THEY INSTANTLY SOLD OUT! THEY WONT EVEN BE RESTOCKING UNTIL FEBRUARY 20TH AND I HAVE TO WAIT FOR IT TO GET HERE AFTER THAT! I AM CURRENTLY 16 AND WILL BE 17 BY THE TIME MY FLIPPING BOOK GETS HERE!!!!
For the love of everything that is good in the world, WATCH ARCANE. It doesn't matter who you are, the writing is amazing, the art style is pleasant on the eye, the characters are all believable... It is only 18 episodes split up into 2 seasons of 9, it is sooo worth the watch, even if you do not like animated shows or watching tv shows in general STILL WATCH IT, I promise it will not disappoint... And this is not even just me saying this, I know many people who have watched it and they all rave about it... Please just watch it if I can only give one recommendation it would be this... (Side note if you are autistic and watch the show... Prepare for the best hyperfixation of your life, unless you are a contrarian and watch it just to hate on it after because then you won't enjoy it as much)
Something that's odd and I've noticed about my behaviour is that I tend to have different "personalities"? (Not really) Sort of like... My brain will operate differently at different times... It's like... Imagine if at times your brain was the detective in the mystery novel... Like Sherlock Holmes, and it picked up on circumstantial evidence like he does (crime scene evidence), sometimes its more like the villain Moriarty where it profiles people and tries to work out the way they tick, sometimes it's insanely introverted, sometimes its other things aswell (there are more but none I am going to bother listing) I've noticed this and I'm not sure whether it's just because of like autism or something, or maybe there is something wrong with me... If anyone knows what I'm talking about or what it might be similar to please let me know, as I'm still myself so it's not different personalities but my brain will work differently and it's random I think... Idk anyway yeah please let me know
Real question here... Does anyone else worry that they have no actual personality? For some reason a lot of my friends say that I am "just like them" or a couple of my older friends say that I "remind them of a younger them" sometimes I worry that I don't have a personality and just adapt to certain situations... Is anyone else like that? If you are could you tell me more? Id love to study this in a way... Perhaps it's social Darwinism (but in the adaptation sense)... Not sure but would like to learn more
Sincerely, Sane Zrop
I don't know how long this is going to last but I'm guessing that for the next little while I'll be constantly contradicting myself... I'm trying to get my thoughts out on this site so that I stay sane whilst going through recurring depressive episodes... But ironically my thoughts might be the least sane thing here... Anyway whilst I am sane and aware of everything I'm just letting you know.
Sincerely, Sane Zrop
I guess I truly am losing my mind at least more than I thought... I just learnt that I ruin every friendship I have and make them hate me... I hadn't even realised...
I am losing myself… even small things can make me break now… I long for a release… yet I know that one will never come… I am stuck here, tethered to this mortal coil, why can’t I just be free?
One time someone tried to test out their form for a head lock choke and they used me as the practise for some reason, I passed out really quickly and I don't remember a lot of the dream but I remember I was in pretty much the exact same spot maybe with a meter difference and @slider_on_the_black was there talking to someone else, it was kind of weird as they weren't talking to me or acknowledging me at all... It kind of felt like the barrier between life and death... The last thing I remember of the dream is slider suddenly turning to look at me and I was immediately pulled from the dream... It's funny... That was probrably the closest to death I got and it felt weird... It was similar to a dream but also not at the same time? (The person that accidentally choked me unconscious didn't realise I was unconscious so kept going for a bit of time...)
You know it's got to be bad when a song like "summer depression" by girl in red is the most relatable thing in your life... Actually "Ugly side" is also pretty close...
Something that scares me is the fear that my depression is returning... My favourite games are all ones that leave you with an empty feeling as it is one of the few things I can feel at this point in time, I just lay on my bed with no energy to do anything and cried for an unknown reason... The problem is that I can't bother anyone with this as I am not a very good person so I don't want them to be burdened with my selfishness once more especially with the burdens I've given unto them... I fear that I am slowly losing myself to this madness... People that knew me before say they wanted the old me back but at this point I don't know where my personality ends and my mental illnesses begin... If I was happy once more... Just who would I be? But it's easier to hide my existential fears with a smile and a false laugh... Sorry for this post I'm sure no-one will read it anyway but I'm hoping it helps get it somewhere in writing...
