OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE FROM THE CRACK HOUSE

In our pursuit to fulfil our manifesto promises, I’m happy to announce yet more things we’ve acheived!

Our first point in the manifesto was to provide “Free french toast, waffles, and pancakes (of any kind)” and I am happy to announce we are now shipping! Make sure to order your free government-backed waffles, french toast and pancakes today! Don’t worry, unlike Lunchly, we actually check our food to make sure mould isn’t present (like serious how did they miss mould lmao). Feel free to request what kind you’d like too. We hope you enjoy this new government service!

Points 15 and 16 of our manifesto promised we would “Sue Adobe even harder” and “Bankrupt Adobe”, I am able to now report that we sued adopt way harder, like, so hard it made the tungsten nervous. Thanks to our efforts, we’ve been able to bankrupt Adobe! Not just that, we’re working to make all Adobe software open source, so don’t worry! Your Adobe product and services will still run, but will now be maintained by the open source community while not charging you absurd prices to use it! Also, no more hidden early cancellation fees!

I’ll be back soon to share more on how we’re doing to achieve my other manifesto promises. We will be working hard as we always have to ensure we keep this nation silly.

PRESS RELEASE ENDS