way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop
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i crawled on my hands and knees for 3 full days
dragging along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my 12 pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow in the dark snorkel
but finally i arrived at the world famous albuquerque holiday inn where the towels are oh so fluffy and you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
it's OK, they're clean
so i checked into my room and i turned down the ac and i turned on the spectrovision
and im just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow that i love so very very much when suddenly there’s a knock on the door
door knocking sounds that is actually just drumming
well now, who could that be?
i say "who is it?"
no answer.
"𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓽?"
there's no answer
"W̷̡̪͔̳̼̼͎͑̑͐̈́̒̾̂͋̕͠H̵̦͈̤̥̦͕̗͕̽̒̇͌̋̒͛̍̆̚͜͠͝͝O̸͙̪̍͛̐̌̈́͑̅͋̿̏ ̴̛̳̣̠̳̫̭͖͔̟̲̞͖͂͒́̾̀̆͋̑̏̂̓̒͜͠͠͝I̴̡̪͍͈͍̥̳͍͓͈̬͙̣̰͒̈͛̌̋̊̂̉͘ͅŜ̸̢̫̯͑͗̔̿͊̒̊͝ ̶̧̯̩̰̋Ì̴͓͔͖̘̹̟̘̤͖͚̼̠̌̏̉͐̎̕Ţ̵̨̪̜͓̱̝̪̯̣̗͍̻̥͇͐ͅ?̸̠͍̖̤̭͕̠̮̣̹̤͑̏̿̓̂̔̉͊̂̈́̈̿̍̎̈́͘͜͝!̴̨̗̖̖̹̰̖͙̥̬̭̀́̽͋͐̏̃̂̃̕͠?̴̢̡͉̙̞̝͈̗̹͍͎̘͕́̄̎̈̍́́̚͜͝͝"
they're not sayin' anything
so finally i go over and i open the door and just as i suspected
it's some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls haircut and only one nostril. oh man, i hate it when i’m right…
so anyway he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel and im like
“hey you cant have that
that snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me“
and he’s like “tough“
and i’m like “give it“
and he’s like “make me“
and i’m like “‘kay“