way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop
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so he hands me the box and i open up the lid and the weasels jump out and they start biting me all over
oh man, they were just going nuts, they were tearin' me apart…
you know i think it was just about that time that a little ditty started going through my head
i believe it went a little something like this
D̶̡̢͙͕̣͕͉͚̦̳̺͙̻͙̼̫̄͋̈́́̍̑́̈́͋ͅO̷̡̨̞͓̠̥͖̓̏͛̉̓̔͗͌͘͝H̵̹̼̜͇̹͓͍͕̝̻̮̩̗͉̥͍̖͎͙̘̾͒̋̽̎̊͋̂̾͊̅̉̏͜ͅ ̸̡̢͙̱̭̤̹̘̗͇̻̼͚͚̤͚̈́̑́͊̒̑͌̇͐́͛̿͊͂̕͘͜ͅĢ̵̖̳͖͍͇̮̀̑̆̈͋͆͛̀͑̎̂̿̋͊̎̽̀̚͝E̷͎̯̹̪̘̯̺̱͈͐͛̀͒̓̓̑͜͝Ṱ̸̨̧̙͓̗̭͇̩̦͚̭̪̈́̀̔̆͂̇̓̿̀̚͝ͅ ̸̨̺̠̠̤͈̫̪̭͚̯̬̩̜͍͔͕̗̹͍̖̩̻̑Ę̵̟̹̮̻̮̺̮͍͈̤͓̝̺̟̾̿̓̾̎̊͊̕͜M̶̨̨̟͇̮͈̰͍̭̬̮̺̹̈́̆͑̒̀͋͛̂̚ͅ ̵̛̲̄͊̄̓̃͌̿̍̅͑͑̓̉͗̋̚͠O̶̱̭̩͖̥̥̐̕F̷̧̢̛̰͖͍̬̠̘̣̬͔̰̟̳̮͔̻̳̬͖̫̠̑̊̓͋̔̂̋̊͆̏́̍̈̊̈̈́̂̌̇̈́͜F̵̡̧̨͎̺̙̫̜̜͇͚̟̣̲̘͔͖͎̜̂̄̀̎̄̐̍̆̉̎̉̊̉̃̑̕̕͜ ̶̩̦̆M̶̜̟͖̰̔̓́Ę̷͚͖̺̻͉͍̼̺̜̲͈͔̀̒͊̄͑͋̅̽̿̅͊͛̎̂͘̚͝͝ ̷̙̠͓̃͂̔̂̊̈́́͐̇́̆͑́͊G̴̢̰̦̬̞̹̩̝̤̱̹̥̲̰̞̣̖̙̳̓͋͗̈́͑̈́́̆͜͠͝Ë̵̡̨̝̖̙́͛̈́͋͆̏̓T̸̨͇̞͇͎͍̎͊ ̵̺̣͉̤͕̙͍̻̜̖͉͓̯̳̑͗̏̆͗͊͘͜ͅḚ̶̛̭̞̮̩͎̞͔͗̈́͐̎̆̐̃̒̆̒̓̕͝Ḿ̵̱̗̤͍̫̯͈̜̜̝̹͌̑̀̏̎̒̍̑͊̾͆̉͘͠ ̶̨̨̰͖̞̲̥̭̪̳͉̜͙̈́̑̈̈́̓̊͗̈́̂̐̅̍͛͂̌͌̀̀̓̕̕̚͝Ǫ̸̤͍͈̜͕̼͔̘̞̜̥͙͓͕̣̗͐̌̚F̸̡̛̭̥̞͓̤͚̗͙͓̪͉̥͖͂̐̈́̓̋̋̆͐̑̌̊͝F̴̡̨̼̫̹̹̰͎̥̹̍͐̍̏̆͜͝ ̵̜̹͔̹̤̟̳͓̳̙̲̱͈͍̻̲͍͓͙̰́̉͐̀̓͌͜ͅM̶͙̪̝͓͌͛̈́̽̄̉̐̎͋̑̓͛̒́͒̆̆͜͝Ë̵̺͖̥́͗̂̓̌̊͌̊̇͑͒̑̒͂̒͒͑͛͗͒̚ ̶̨̢̟̹͓̠͚̘̮͙̖̮͍̜̤̙͚̣̈́̔̉̀̓͗O̶͓̊̒̊͌͌͑̿͋̊̒͆̃̎͝Ḫ̴̨̧̺̠̫̯͓̤̖̻͓̦͇̐̅̄̑̋͜͜͜ ̵̲͈̤̹͖̪͎̯͍̮̙̓̔̓̃́̾͐̈̄̀͑̐͒̓̋̓̿̕̕͝N̸̟̯̰̯͍͚͒͐̔Ỏ̷̙̥̦̪͕̯̜͈̔͐̆̃̈̅̊̊̈́̀͘͠ ̷̢̢͔̻͎̦͚̼̬̻̼̬̪͕̞̟͇͔̅͑̋̽̀̊͗̈́̂̋̏̕͘͜͝͝G̵̠̘̜͍̯̰̪̱̭͍̣̼̜̟̙̜̻͕͔̐͑͆̓̀̇̐̀͗͋͌̆̕̕͜Ḙ̴̢̧̮̦̖̯̥̣̱͍̟̐́͒̈̊̍͝ͅT̶̨̨̡̛̼͖̹͈̦̥̘̜̗̤̣̫͔̹̞̭̠̍͋̽͂̈̆̑̓́͐̈͌̎̋́͆̊͠ ̸̖͔͎̱͚̬̙̹̳̚Ę̵̳͎͔͓̪͖͖͚̤̖̠͓͓̀͐̆̎͜͝ͅM̷̧̡̨͈̥̭̣̞̙̱̙̗̤̻̝̉ ̸̨̨̫̣̜͖͉͚̟͙͇̩̮͕̺̳̿̈́̈́̿̈́̉́̇̂̋̄͜ͅO̵̫̗͕͋̿̓͝F̷̠̩͈̗͊̏͐͊̀̿̏͑̂F̴̧̧̺̺͎̱̩̞̯̫͎̥͕̘͎̬͓͙̬̠̩̳̾̐̅̅̽̔̌̀̾̔͠͠ ̸̧̢̼̠̫͈̹̱̝̫̫̳̯̠͒͒̓̈́̒̎̇̿͊͜M̵̟͇͓̐̑̌͜E̴̻̮̿̾̿̎̍͆̚͝ ̸̢̫͈͈̖̼̘̝̠͍̼͔͍̀̏̀̄̉͆Ḁ̴̜̻͑͌̈́̾́̎̓̾͊̽̃͆̑̈H̴̢̢̭̜̝͓̫̩͎̫̜̺̥̰̃͛̐̏͒̽̌̾̀͑̿̉̈́̔̓̚͠͝ ̷͍̲̠̯̠̰̭͓̝͚̤̯͈̆̌́̓̋̍̅͌̈́̒̕͝͝͝Â̵̛̙͑̈́̊̓̚H̴̨͍̱͔̗͔̱̪̥̄̃̾̋̚Ḩ̵̡̢̫̥͔̫̰̙̜̟̥̰̦̼̖̭̠͍̓͂̐̈́̑̆̐̈́̾̐͋̅̍̋͑̕̕͜͝͠ͅͅ ̶̨͇̠͔̗̝̬͇͎̭̯̫̣̭͕͎͍̱̠̀̆͋̍̑̓̇̐́͛̿̈́̒̂͌͠Ǎ̷̛̗̼̤̤̙͔̣̞̖͔̩͕̠̥̠̳͚̙̟̞͚̑̔̀̂́̽̇͛͆̄͛̌̎̏̋̄͒̀͊̕͜͜H̸̛̆̍̎̕̚
i ran out on the street with these flesh eating weasels on my face
like a constipated wiener dog
…and as luck would have it, that's exactly when i ran into the girl of my dreams
her name was zelda
she was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches