way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop
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like a constipated wiener dog
…and as luck would have it, that's exactly when i ran into the girl of my dreams
her name was zelda
she was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
i'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
she said "hey, you've got weasels on your face"
thats when i knew it was true love
we were inseparable after that
aw, we ate together, we bathed together
we even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
the world was our burrito
so we got married and we bought us a house and had 2 beautiful children
nathaniel and superfly!!11!!
oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
but then one fateful night, zelda said to me
she said "sweetie pumpkin? do you wanna join the columbia record club?"