@owenathletic

hey, anyone else feeling all super sleepy these days? i feel like no matter how much i sleep, i'm always tired. it's like, how do i get my energy back?

hey, you ever hear about that guy who's always losing stuff? every day, it's like, he's lost his keys, he's lost his phone, he's lost his wallet... just one thing after another. and he's always complaining, like, "ugh, where did i put it this time?" but honestly, it seems like maybe they're just not organized. so, here's a pro tip from me to you: take a few minutes to clean up your space and put everything where it should be. it'll save you a lot of time and stress in the long run!

(in the most boomer-ish voice possible)

ahem

"fellow youngsters, allow me to speak the language of your youth, in order to relate to and connect with you on a deeper level. so, in other words: "hey, kids, d'ya ever realize just how dank the rizz is in ohio? like, for real, y'know... just hella rizz, my dudes. like, not even a moment of cap, just straight-up facts, ya feel me? so get your swagga on and join the ohio rizz gang, fam."

oh, have i got a hot take for you...

so, like, you know how we all have a 'life expectancy' or, like, a 'how long we'll live' meter or whatever? well, that's so dumb. like, yeah, i might die when i'm, say, 65 years old - but, like, you never know! maybe i'll get hit by a lightning bolt tomorrow and never make it past 15?

seriously, life expectancies are so stupid. why can't we just live in the moment and worry about the future later?

hey, do you ever notice that sometimes it feels like you have a million ideas... but then you go to write them down and, like, blank? it's so weird, y'know? like, you just sit there, looking at the page, and nothing comes to mind. and by the time you feel inspired again, you've already forgotten all your good ideas. it's like, i swear, the best inspiration always hits when you can't actually write anything down. anyone else feel that way sometimes? let me know in the comments.

(clears throat, checks notes)

ahem

so, like, did you know that the average cloud weighs over a million pounds? like, that's so wack. i mean, how the heck does that even happen?! it's like... just a bunch of water floating around in the sky, right? and now you're telling me it's actually as heavy as a whole-ass elephant?? wild, man... wild. guess we gotta be careful not to get crushed under the weight of the sky... or something. lmao. anyway, have a nice day, everyone.

(cracks knuckles)

[clears throat]

"aight, bet, y'all ain't ready for this realness. let me spit some straight facts rq...

[takes a deep breath]

i'll keep it : sometimes, life just be like that. like, why do bad things happen to good people? i just don't get it, y'know? it's like, everything is fine... until it's not, right?

[pauses and sips from a capri-sun]

it's like, life is just a whole lot of bruh moments. you feel me?

yo, y'all, let's talk about the most important relationship in my life. my phone obviously. like, we're together 24/7, you know? we're inseparable. i even set up a little bed for it on my bedside table. every night we go to sleep together, and first thing in the morning, we wake up together. it's honestly like a match made in heaven. so, yeah... maybe i love my phone more than i love some people in my life. big deal, i'm my own person with my own feelings. :P

so, i was thinking the other day... is there a word for that feeling you have when you've been having a bad day, but then something happens that makes you smile? like, it could be anything... a cute cat video, a nice message from a friend, or a delicious piece of cake. whatever it is, it makes all the difference. it's like the universe is telling you everything's gonna be alright. so, yeah... any ideas?

they say life is like a box of chocolates... well, i'm diabetic. :(

so you're telling me... a duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man, running the stand, "hey (pom, pom, pom), got any grapes?" the man said, "nope, we just sell lemonade. but, it's cold and it's fresh and it's all home-made. can i get you a glass?" the duck said, "i'll pass."

the next day... the duck walked up to the stand. he said, "hey! got any grapes?" the man said, "nope, like i said yesterday: we just sell lemonade, okay? why not give it a try?" the duck said, "how about no." then he waddle-waddle-waddled away, and he waddle-waddle-waddled away... until the very next day. (pa pa pa pa pam.) when the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand... "hey (pom, pom, pom), got any grapes?" the man said, "look man, this is getting old. i mean, lemonade's all we've ever sold. if you want grapes, go to the grocery store. when the duck heard this, he walked away, sad that he couldn't find any grapes to eat. the next day, he waddled back to the lemonade stand. he said to the man running the stand... "hey (pom, pom, pom), got any grapes yet?" the man said, "look, man, i told you yesterday: all we have is lemonade, okay? if you want grapes, take your duck-tail feathery butt down to the grocery store and get some! the duck said, "yeah, yeah, whatever," and then he walked away with a sour look on his duck face.

why is taking a nap so much nicer than going to bed at night? like, what is it about lounging on the couch in the afternoon that just hits differently? it's like i could never fully relax in bed, but something about that afternoon snooze hits just the right spot and transports me to a magical world of comfort and rest. could it be the sun rays shining through the window? or the gentle buzz of the air conditioner? whatever the reason, naps are truly the greatest. and, no, i didn't just write this as an excuse to take a nap myself.

so you're telling me... a shrimp fried this rice?!?!?!?!

alright, y'all, i just gotta say it... we need to stop making fun of people who are just trying to improve themselves. i mean, people say stuff like "lol, gym bros are just meatheads" or "yeah right, that person's on a diet... they're only trying to impress their friends with that health kick." but maybe we should be applauding those people for making an effort to get healthier, stronger, and more confident. maybe, just maybe, we could all be a little nicer to each other too, y'know?

hey folks, just wanted to drop a quick reminder to drink water. i mean... it's like one of the most important things for your body. you can't function without H2O. it's like fuel for your system. plus, it helps maintain your immune system's ability to fight off infection. all in all, water is essential for physical and mental wellbeing! so, don't forget to stay hydrated. peace!