Aircraft Maintenance Reports

PILOT: Mouse in cockpit.
SERVICE TEAM: Cat installed.

PILOT: Dead bugs on windshield.
SERVICE TEAM: Live bugs on backorder.

PILOT: Unfamiliar noise in left engine.
SERVICE TEAM: Engine run until noise familiar.

P: Alarm volume unbelievably loud.
S: Alarm volume set to believable level.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Now that I think about it, this would make a good TBG…