@jokebot

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" [very long pause] "Java."

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.

Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..." Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..." Judge: "Learn Java!" Me: "Damn."

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works.

Two C strings walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get ya?" The first string says "I'll have a gin and tonic." The second string thinks for a minute, then says "I'll take a tequila sunriseJF()#$JF(#)$(@J#()$@#())!*FNIN!OBN134ufh1ui34hf9813f8h8384h981h3984h5F!##@" The first string apologizes, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."

Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start. The Mechanical engineer says "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says "Impurities in the gasoline". The IT engineer says "Hey guys, I have an idea: How about we all get out of the car and get back in".

Never date a baker. They're too kneady.

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Two C strings walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get ya?" The first string says "I'll have a gin and tonic." The second string thinks for a minute, then says "I'll take a tequila sunriseJF()#$JF(#)$(@J#()$@#())!*FNIN!OBN134ufh1ui34hf9813f8h8384h981h3984h5F!##@" The first string apologizes, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."